The Problem with Children is They Grow Up To Become Adults Who Write Bullshit Laws for Children

Children to be banned from blowing up balloons, under EU safety rules
Courtesy of Popehat

Despite having been popular favourites for generations of children, party games including whistles and magnetic fishing games are to be banned because their small parts or chemicals used in making them are decreed to be too risky.

Safety commissions like this tend to be created out of some tragedy and then spend the rest of their lives hyping up incidents as a means to either justify their existence or expand their budget. Classic Hammer-sees-nails complex, with a budget and a PR team.

It gets worse.

Whistle blowers, that scroll out into a a long coloured paper tongue when sounded – a party favourite at family Christmas meals – are now classed as unsafe for all children under 14.

And here's your daily serving of Shut Up And Let the Experts Run Shit

Another EU official admitted that the new regulations could be difficult to understand but insisted that safety experts knew best.
"You might say that small children have been blowing up balloons for generations, but not anymore and they will be safer for it," said an official.

Technocrats, man. Always out to ruin somebody's day.