A Lamentable Souring Of Perfectly Jovial Relations

Every woman is just a different kind of problem. -Chuck Palahniuk

A long time ago, I met a nice girl.

She was amazing.

I enjoyed every second I spent talking to her. We had quite a few common interests and could talk at lengths about silly or nerdy or occasionally bizarre things for lengths. 

I took some initiative and met her a few times, never sure if they were dates or just friends hanging out. In the end, I didn't care. I just enjoyed her company.

Sometimes, I had a bit too much to drink.
It was a bad combination of being enraptured by
conversation and tending to drink quickly without noticing it.

Communication was tricky. There were schedules and the like. But I never felt like I was being too pushy or forward or rude. I thought we were becoming friends, or rather were. There were late conversations and even moments of emotional catharsis. Through all of it, I never stopped being enthralled. 

One evening, things moved from the nebulous to the vividly clear and then immediately retreated back into mystery. Since then, it had been a downward spiral of "maybe another time" and silence. For a while, I played the fool, blaming myself or some faux pas on my part. I overanalyzed and fretted and made a few unwise bold plays. I found a thousand faults in myself and my actions during this time, but never one in her. It had to be my fault.

Then the veneer cracked. The finish wore off and I had to come to the only conclusion: No, she sucks. There's no valid reason behind this. She's just disrespecting you.

You can catalog and index everything you hate about yourself and every miniscule mistake before you even think about placing the blame elsewhere.

But through it all, I'd been good. I'd tried to be my best. I was a good guy. But that didn't matter.

I don't know the reasons for why everything went south. Never will. But I know that I deserve to be treated better than that. 

So you say your goodbyes, tip your hat, throw on a fake smile, and walk away. Soon enough, that smile will become real, every ache will fade, and you'll wonder what the hell you were even thinking back then.